Reflections of a Nursing School Dad

Aaaaahhhhhhhh...spring break! Finally, I feel there’s a moment or two to take a deep breath and relax.

I probably don’t need to restate the obvious, but life is really crazy these days. Craziest part of my life I’ve ever had really. Since nursing school started back in August I’ve had a hard time finding free time (more than an hour here or there). And what little free time there was (and a good part of my school time too) got completely engulfed by our beautiful and very dependent daughter, Ayla.

Don’t get me wrong. 98% of the time it is joy and bliss and all those cheesy clichés and Hallmark card phrases. The way that she can look at me when I walk into the room and just light up makes my heart jump and a lump form in my throat. I have never felt this much love and adoration for anything in my life before (sorry Leigh!). She is the brightest star in my sky. The deep, deep love that I feel for her takes me by surprise. I just never knew it could be like this. I mean, she’s not even talking yet and she’s one of my best friends. There is no doubt that I would do absolutely anything for her.

This reminds me of a dream I had the night before she was born. I might have shared this with some of you already. I was sitting on my front porch watching a 12 or 13 year old girl dancing in the sun. She was twirling and laughing and smiling so bright. She had long light brown hair, big eyes and was so beautiful. I was then struck with that dream knowledge that comes to you in that world that this was my daughter. This was Ayla! I felt so happy! Here is this beautiful, joyful girl and I am the proud father. Well, I just swelled up with pride and enjoyed watching her dance for a few moments….until I noticed a couple of adolescent skater punk boys watching her with unveiled admiration and attraction. All of a sudden, I felt the hackles on the back of my neck raise. A growl grew in my throat and I surprisingly started growing thick brown hair all over my body. Claws grew from my hands. None of this was painful and it happened very quickly. Within a moment or two I had turned into a bear! With this new shape and power, I promptly turned on the very frightened skater punk boys and chased them far away from my precious, fairy-like little girl. It was at this point in the dream that Leigh woke me up and said, “I think my water just broke.” A very powerful and appropriate dream.

Thankfully, I’ve got a few years to get used to these Papa Bear feelings of protecting her innocence and purity. She’s only now learning how to roll over, reach out and grab objects and giggle out loud. But the changes are happening so quickly! The difference between Ayla at 3 months and 4 months is incredibly dramatic. She’s just doing all kinds of new things now.

We practice rolling over a lot. She’s got the belly to back down and is currently working on the back to belly. She’s even started to tuck her knees under herself sometimes and lift up on her arms…in other words crawling is coming! Yikes! One of the major advantages to balance out the dependency and short attention span of a 4 month old is the fact that you can put them down somewhere and know that if you walk away or turn your back they’ll still be there when you come back! Once crawling becomes a skill of hers, all bets are off. Even more time and energy will be needed to watch her. And the whole house will need to be moved up a couple shelves as well.

She is so curious. Always looking around with those bright greenish-blue-brown eyes, touching, tasting. If it’s in her hands then a second later it’s in her mouth. Mama and papa’s fingers, toys, clothes, rags…anything and everything. And the drool, oh lord the drool. She’s a freakin’ Saint Bernard these days! The teeth are coming. She’s chewing on her hands and ours as often as she can. The drool is now measured in ounces now, not tablespoons. I believe we have a month or two at least before the first one breaks the surface, but the process has started. And that’s another whole new phase of growth and change we’re not quite ready for yet. Especially Leigh’s boobs! Ouch.

Our plan is to keep her exclusively on breast milk through 6 months at least. When she starts to show serious interest in food and tries to grab stuff for herself, we’ll let her into the world of solids, but for now, she’s growing fast and furious on the ½ & ½ coming out of Leigh. Weighing in at 15 lbs and 8 oz at her 4 month pediatrician wellness exam. She is a solid and very strong little girl. And yes, I’m afraid she does have the tree trunk thighs of her father’s side of the family. Maybe she’ll be a soccer star?

She’s still sleeping with us in the bed or at times the co-sleeper next to the bed. She’ll feed at least a couple times a night, sometimes 3-4 times. But she is always wiggly! I’ve had to retreat to the living room couch on the nights before my clinical just to ensure I get enough undisturbed sleep. Leigh typically will stay in bed as long as it takes her to feel rested. I just don’t have that luxury (or patience) to stay in bed that long.

Will you excuse me for a sec? Leigh just shouted down “Will you come up here? She just shit all over me. I’m totally covered. I need back up!”

*Sigh* These treasured moments are my life.

More to come…